Pause

It all started a few months ago when I decided to draw my new font. I had many ideas but I didn't like any of them. I tried to draw but every time I took my pencil, I felt numb. I thought I should take a break from letters, to take some illustration courses and exercise on something that I also love. I was learning how to draw from my imagination when my inspiration left me again. I just couldn't draw anymore.

At the same time, I left the largest platform where I was selling my fonts, since they changed their policies against the designers and the clients. I realized that my work and my income depend on companies that may change anytime and I'll have to "take it or leave it". That's not an option that serves me anymore.

Everything felt off. Everything was calling me to stop. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it and push myself to "create", all I was doing was to push against something bigger and stronger. 

I grew up and live in the Western hustle culture, where not being "creative" or "productive" all the time is unnatural and unforgivable. Yet, it is an essential natural thing that happens in life and a state that we calm, connect with ourselves, reevaluate and change. I stopped glorifying this hustle culture a long time ago and now I have to "pause", let go of my expectations and make space for whatever new will be born.

I would be lying if I said that this is something I'm chill about and I don't worry at all. Temporary stops can be scary because we don't know what's being burdened inside us, what's coming out and how much we may change. But it's OK and it's normal. Being patient and compassionated about ourselves, is the only way to be in this state.

I don't know how long this pause will last and what will bring, but I'm willing to trust the process.